Here is the problem. Every time I have gotten to this point, or close to it...I fall off the wagon. I start letting myself have little treats, or go over my weight watchers points by 3 or 4 every day. (I follow the program where I don't eat the extra weekly points - I use activity points instead.) And then my progress goes away. I give up.
Why do I do this? I am not sure. I have actually been thinking about it a lot lately, especially when I am running, and I am still not sure. Could be that I start to see results and forget how hard I worked for them, I am very much an "in the moment" kind of person. (Clearly, because that is how I ended up needed to go on this journey in the first place.) I think that is actually one of the biggest things I need to work on IN ALL areas of my life. I do plan, but I am very open to spontaneous activities. I like this about myself. This quality has allowed me to make changes in my life such as moving to Colorado after my divorce and applying for grad school (twice.) This quality has also allowed me to feel confident in taking a year from teaching to travel and go back to school. I don't want to erase my spontaneity, but I do need to curb it when it comes to food, and money.
Yesterday, I went to the gym in the morning and ate within my points all day. I got home from school, made a healthy dinner and felt very satisfied. Then around 9 pm, I made myself a bowl of popcorn. It wasn't too bad, no oil to pop (used plain kernels in a brown paper bag in the microwave) and olive oil spray instead of dripping with butter and just a little salt and Parmesan cheese - all told about 4 points for 3 cups. I wasn't hungry. I just wanted popcorn, and because I wanted popcorn, I went over my daily points allowance.
Once in a while, this is ok. In fact, I recommend giving in to cravings once a week in order to make sure there is no binge eating after weeks and weeks of denial. The problem is, that I feel like a floodgate is being barely held back, and that at any moment, the idea of a plate of nachos and a week on the couch is something I deserve after working so hard for three months. So, what have I been doing to continually hold back this flood of negativity?
Well, first of all, I am trying to retrain my thinking from "I deserve those nachos" to "I deserve to be healthy and active." It's a hard transition. I say it to myself A LOT! Secondly, I am member of a Facebook group called "500+ Miles in 2013" and reading the posts of the members, and what they post to me is VERY motivating. Having a community of any kind helps with support. Third, the people I have in my life, especially my roommate, are incredibly supportive in exactly the right way. My roomie has removed all the snacks and things that he likes to eat to his place of work and always eats the healthy food I cook. He also reminds me in a way that is not overbearing of what my goals are...I am not sure why his delivery works...normally I would be resentful of any reminders...but again maybe this time I am a little different and I see that he has my best interest at heart.
So, this time I will work through the floodgates. See that my dam is actually pretty strong, and I will continue on this journey instead of stopping for weeks and weeks and having to start again.
March 27, 2012 - Start (197)
March 3, 2013 - progress (185)
April 13, 2012 - Progress (179)
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